Q: You’ve had an impressive journey from being an actor and filmmaker to now releasing music. How did your experiences in film and theater influence your transition into music?
A: I started making music at film school, and I guess in that environment you’re surrounded by so many artists — so I actually one day decided to buy one of those small midi keyboards and I just started experimenting and making music. I tried all sorts of arts at film school — even when there were lots more people around in my life — I spent most of that free time alone, and I used different mediums to express different emotions. I never thought, to be honest, that I would’ve continued making music past 2018. My only experience has been grade one piano when I was 15 years old, and so when I started making songs, I was kind of just figuring it out as I went along — and now I really enjoy it — I mean, sometimes it can be frustrating if the tune I make doesn’t work well, but I love singing the songs I make and just finding another excuse to perform.
Q: Your work spans various artistic mediums, including light painting and one-man shows. How do these different forms of expression intersect, and how have they shaped your creative identity?
A: I find that my creative identity has been an evolution. When it comes to my personal work, I kind of have each artistic medium as a separate thing, and I use each to express different parts of me — and also just push myself to be as creative as I can be overall. In any creative endeavor, it can be very competitive, so I’ve tried to improve myself by, in a sense, training different creative parts of my brain. I lack many experiences that involve other people and opportunities for work and growth, so I try to compensate for that with the different mediums and also, in a sense, try to showcase that I deserve my equality and human rights. All these mediums have made me more empowered — believe more in myself — and at first, when I was doing a lot, I imagined eventually either opening a company and using different mediums to in a way financially support the other mediums — or working with a big agency and being able to deliver a lot so that I’d get a lot of work — however, none of that happened, and I found myself so exploited and beyond exploited very hurt by how I was treated in Los Angeles when I was there — so now I’ve actually stopped doing so many things — and I’m just focusing on one thing at a time. Mainly my acting and a song here and there — so right now, it’s about that — my Insta comedy and my new podcast My Difficult Conversation.
Q: Can you share more about your time at Tufts and Chapman University? How did your academic experiences contribute to your development as an artist across multiple disciplines?
A: Well, at Tufts, I didn’t really do anything related to me being an artist — I did audition for Slumdog Millionaire and also did some acting out of school and eventually interning for a director as well — but at Tufts, I was very much held back, I feel, from what I wanted to do — it just wasn’t the right school for me — I wasn’t interested in academia, and I was influenced negatively by people around me. When I went to Chapman, on the other hand — I developed a lot — I was already quite confident as a writer, and at Chapman, I was able to work with a talented crew and make some amazing shorts, and I learned so much from all the other students that were studying different disciplines of filmmaking. When you get the chance to collaborate with people, you grow so much — you develop a lot more — so more so than classes, it was working with the other students that helped me grow. Also — I found my desire to act again and perform — and it took some practice — I did a stand-up called OC Transplant, which I eventually turned into a podcast because the lighting and production setup was so bad — I was just in this environment where, in a sense, it was encouraged to be as artistic as you wanted. You spent every day writing stories and working on being creative that naturally for me, I would experiment in many disciplines. But really, a lot of my artistic development came from thinking deep down in my heart about feeling about people in the past and in the time space I was also creating. At the same time — I was trying to get my immigration visa, so I was hyper-focused on just working — and, in a sense, I was forced to go into other disciplines because I was told just writing wasn’t enough, just directing wasn’t enough, I had to act (which I wanted), but I also had to light paint, and I also had to keep doing more — and now looking back, I find so much of that so unfair, and it was kind of a way to exploit me, I think — but that’s how I developed in so many disciplines. There was a period of time after grad school where people wouldn’t work with me — there was one person who even wrote online, ‘no one talk to Nikhail’ — and so I was, in a sense, forced to take on all these roles in a film set and make these one-man shows — and I felt like I had to keep going if I wanted a chance in this industry and without money or other resources — I had to be very budget mindful and take on many roles by myself. I had to get my own marketing, which I thought for a while the light painting was a way to do that.
Q: You’ve been involved in some significant film projects and screenplay competitions. How do you approach storytelling differently in film compared to music?
A: With music, I kind of just stream of consciousness write a song in like 10 minutes, always aware of a chorus, and then just lightly edit and more so edit as I make the song. I try to obviously tell a story, but in a song, I find that the story is quite condensed, and in a strange way, when I write a song, it’s almost as if I’m just telling a story to a person as if they were sitting right beside me and we were having a drink. And depending on the song — perhaps also crying.
With film, it’s much more of a thought-out process because it’s like a 100-page script, and you have to outline, and you have so many characters, and there’s structure and dialogue, and it’s really more of a storytelling process where I’m not writing to a person, I’m writing for what a person might see. So I often feel with film, the storyline is bigger — there’s more possibility in the world of a film than the world of one song by itself. And you can explore many different genres — sometimes with songs, you’re so branded on your genre — but with scripts, you can really explore anything — from dramas to horrors to rom coms to period pieces. And when I used to write screenplays — I would just write films that I wanted to see in the cinema — I would write movies that I thought were really cool and push different boundaries and such.
And, in a sense, with music, there is a similarity where I make songs that I would like to sing.
Q: Your work has been showcased at festivals worldwide and even won awards. How do these accomplishments impact your motivation to explore new artistic avenues like music?
A: At the moment, I’m quite keen on pursuing new artistic avenues — I enjoy music, but I also find it much harder than many as I’m not a professional at playing an instrument — but the accomplishments I’ve had with a lot of my filmmaking at this point in time — they don’t feel as exciting as when I was younger and screened in places — A large part of me is broken, in a sense, by many aspects of the film world — by many people that have exploited, by a lack of authentic encouragement and support — by how my life feels like I’m hanging on by a thread sometimes — I feel quite hopeless sometimes because of the gaslighting and isolation and huge inequality that has resulted in huge financial struggle and some very bad experiences in life for a while — while many have thrived out of an aspect of my work or life. I feel down because I hoped things would change — with time and persistence — but many times, I look back at my work over the last 16 years, and I feel like a lot of efforts and hopes were wasted because of others.
So I am quite keen to explore new artistic avenues — but I don’t really know where to exactly begin with that. Like, I can continue making new songs — but is that a new avenue because I’ve done it for a few years? At the same time — it’s like I’ve been doing my artistic things for so long — I don’t really know how to do anything else. Like certain artistic avenues like museum arts — aside from light paintings — I couldn’t really do that, I think — and so I’ve tried so many things right now I think the best way forward is to pick one or two, like acting and music and just stick to that. But sometimes, at night, I look back at my old stuff — some of my directing or even old scripts from many years ago — and I’ll read some bits — and I’ll remember what I was going for in life back then — and how that work was maybe used for something great — and it just feels like some memory that no one really cares about —
And it kind of makes me think about what my life could have been like if I had equality — and not knowing if I ever will is a little dampening of the spirit — and with all those struggles, however — the one thing about music is that I can express that vulnerability — like poetry but in a song — and sometimes that release of emotion and saying those things as if I was talking to a person can feel really good.
Q: “Slurpee” is your first song created in the UK. How did the change in environment influence the sound and theme of the song?
A: I wouldn’t say the environment changed the sound and theme. I guess coming to the UK, I was escaping a lot of pain and difficulty in Hong Kong — and I saw coming here as a new start — with some hopes and to be away from some terrible people in my life — and I got my own place and while things are not perfect, but I have a little more peace than I’ve had in years — and so I felt this freedom to want to make something a little more fun with my music. I start Slurpee with a line about driving my car — and that’s all about leaving Hong Kong and finding a sort of empowerment in being in the UK — but there was something that changed the sound of the song from my usual songs, which is — and this is going to sound quite amateur — but for the first time, I pressed these large square buttons on my midi keyboard — as opposed to the piano keys only — and when I pressed these buttons, there was this funky sound — and there were 6 buttons, so I made some beats from the buttons.
Q: The song talks about leaving a “messed-up past” behind. Could you delve deeper into this aspect of the song’s narrative and how it reflects your personal journey?
A: I just had an interview today regarding this. For a better context, you can check out my podcast on Spotify, My Difficult Conversation.
The song essentially was like I left Hong Kong — I left an environment of abuse — and suffering and many things that I couldn’t accept as a person who cares about equality rights and justice — and I came to the UK, and it was like being a refugee, in a sense — and here, I felt almost like in my own space I had the freedom to speak more and be a little more fun in regards to people on social media. And the song is about referring to a guy — that I found cool like a slurpee, and despite the huge difficulties in my life — it was kind of this subconscious way of me wishing things were different — kind of how I fantasized this person as this new start away from the past.
Q: You mention that “Slurpee” is a metaphor for feeling frozen in life and warming up because of a new romantic interest. Can you elaborate on how this metaphor developed during the songwriting process?
A: I would use lines that describe aspects of a Slurpee – like heart melting — shots on the rocks — being cool —
Actually, I wasn’t going to call the song Slurpee to begin with — I had written the song — and it was called Slush Puppie — but I just finished a film called Pocket Dog in early 2024, so I was like, oh, I should name it something else. And I was googling all sorts of things that resembled something cool — like I googled everything you could find in Antarctica and somehow from Slush Puppie I was like let me call it Slurpee. Initially, it was like I had experienced all this trauma, and there was something cool about this person that, for a while — allowed me to warm up to life again — and it was also a way for me to help myself move past the trauma that this person has also caused on me. Almost like reminding myself to also try to be cool.
Q: The idea of a “virtual” romantic interest is intriguing. How does the concept of virtual relationships influence the lyrics and overall vibe of “Slurpee”?
A: Nothing really virtual influenced the lyrics or vibe of Slurpee. I guess when I say ‘diamond belt,’ it was because I saw them with a large belt, and they have a ‘psychotic stare,’ but I wanted to be nicer, so I wrote ‘psychic stare’ — there is a slight sexual aspect with the word Slurp, and I discovered this person because they were boogeymaning/exploiting me for years — and they were in this film called Rotting in the Sun remade after my film The Check In, where they asked a character with a similar name to me — for something sexual — and I hated that they did that — I had a huge tantrum — but then I sort of like moved on from all that — and I guess life has been really terrible in so many ways for so long — and I’ve sort of let go of so much and lost so much — that I kind of like reached this point where it’s like you start to be lighthearted about some of these things because there’s nothing left in life, in a sense — in kind of a messed up way — it’s like laughing because of so much grief and there isn’t another way to process — and then just being like whatever — and I guess with the song I started to play with the vibe. But if anyone knows me, I am definitely not as playful as this song — in fact, behind the scenes, I’m texting quite dark things.
Q: You’ve described “Slurpee” as a fun love pop song. How did you balance the song’s lightheartedness with the deeper themes of personal growth and transition?
A: I wasn’t really trying to do this when I made the song. Recently, a lot of the lyrics to songs I write are about the difficult things I’ve experienced — and I guess referring to the guy as a Slurpee was my way of faking some hope through this light-hearted metaphor. And in a sense, I was addicted to that hope for a while — and for me, hope has a sense of joy to it — sometimes comedy. I think just making the song, like I said earlier, as if I was talking to a person right there — allowed me to express different things.
Q: What was your creative process like for “Slurpee”? Did you encounter any challenges in translating your emotions and experiences into music?
A: I always start with a beat or tune and then sing lyrics and then edit all that to somehow make it all work. And actually, I made Slurpee in one day in a few hours, so this was a really fast song for me to make. Sometimes it’s like you get lucky, and the music just works, and sometimes it takes much longer. When I make a song — because I’m not a professional with the instruments — I know chords, but I just put something together — and it’s never how I wanted it to be in my head — because I don’t know how to create the songs when I first envision them — so a lot changes from concept to the final thing — but usually when I have a decent tune down — translating my emotions with the singing comes naturally, I think.
Some of the lyrics I repeated, which I wasn’t meant to, but it fit the song better. I’m still learning when it comes to music — how to sing more complex things– which is what I’m trying for my next song, which is meant to be a sort of ballad, and it’s so far quite a challenge.
Q: How does “Slurpee” fit into your broader artistic narrative? Are there any recurring themes or motifs in your work that fans can expect in your future music?
A: I do often have these high notes — so that’s something recurring. My next song is a little bit of a sad song — so — I think Slurpee was an exception because of a moment of feeling hopeful — it really depends on my emotions and what’s going on in life — and my life in general is a little unpredictable, and there’s so much I worry about regarding surviving in the future. Daily I deal with a lot of negative emotions — even though if I talk to anyone, I don’t show it in person — if we spoke during this interview, you’d see someone more upbeat than what is described in my writing because just naturally, when I talk to people, I try to put a positive spin —
You’ll probably see recurring themes in my future music related to loneliness, existence, needing to matter, and just the kind of emotions one might expect with the grief of oneself.
Q: Your work often blurs the lines between different artistic mediums. Do you have plans to integrate your music with your film or theatrical projects in the future?
A: I do have a small snippet of one of my unreleased songs in my film Playback. I do want to make some music videos one day, but I need some help to do that.
Q: As someone who has worked in both the US and the UK, how do you perceive the differences in artistic culture between these two regions, and how have they influenced your creative output?
A: Well, I just moved to the UK like a month ago — so I’m a little inexperienced here. In the US, I find the culture more talky — so that has affected my films and such — I also became more of a commercial artist, I think — but still always a little arthouse on the side. In the US, my films were a little more ‘Disney’ in a sense — whereas here in the UK, the style is a little more naturalistic — Also, I find there’s a little more safety than what I had in the US — so I do find it easier to speak on my podcast about my life. I was in Hong Kong for a long while as well, and that was difficult — I felt unable to reach my potential there — and really, it’s not about the artistic culture of the US or UK — it’s kind of like what inspires me to create and how I choose to create. But to be honest – it’s hard outside of when I was in school to compare the artistic culture and creative output because I’m just on my own all the time.
Q: Looking ahead, what can your fans expect from you in terms of new music or other artistic projects? Are there any upcoming releases or performances you’re particularly excited about?
A: You can listen to my new podcast My Difficult Conversation on Spotify and Apple.
You can check out some of my latest insta comedy @nikhailr.
You can also watch my feature anthology one-man shows Worn Faces and short Pocket Dog on TINFF Online Screening – please vote for my film if you do see it.
And as for performances – maybe one day – but for now, just keep a lookout for ones here and there on my Instagram.
And in addition to Slurpee, you can hear my other songs on my Spotify Nikhail.
